she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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