Jerry, you need to find god
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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