So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
