at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
