im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
