so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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