why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
