She said her name was "party"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
