his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
