She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
