SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
