What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
