Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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