I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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