Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
