I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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