I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
