You're so nebulous sometimes
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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