she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
