My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
