Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
