Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
