You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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