Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
