What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
