I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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