where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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