He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
two words...techno handjob
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
