Im at strip club and am horny
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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