best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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