dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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