Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
