I want to make a zoo with you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
