If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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