she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
