I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
then he tried to convert me to islam
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
