the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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