u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.