I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
