it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
