Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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