They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
