I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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