I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
