Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
