We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
