the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
