tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
