I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
