Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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