How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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