we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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