riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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