drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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