My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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