do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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