so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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