I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
