So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
