whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
