don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
