NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
