She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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