I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
