a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
