literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
